She's a winner!

Gemma (to Lesley): You are so observant. That's why you win.

Heaven

Lesley: When I get to heaven I wonder if I can make myself look different every day.

Alyssa: Like change your hairstyle?

Divine Intervention

Melanie: He has never said a word to me. Not even the word "hi."

Lesley: I have a plan. Say to him, "HEY, WHY DID YOU PEE ON THIS TOWEL?!" Those kinds of plans are blessed.

Fashion Faux Pas

Lesley: I saw a man with skinny khakis on. It made me cry.

March Madness (GMU v. Nova)

Alyssa:  omg

that was the most intense game ever

i was standing in my office yelling 

Melanie:  of words with friends?

The Men in Our Lives, pt. 3

"His lack of originality is tolerable."

Nevermind.

Alyssa (to Melanie): Oh yeah you're invited to Andy's this saturday! Ohhh wait...

The men in our lives, pt. 2

Lesley: i think i forget he's as retarded as he is
i gotta keep that in mind when we hang out

I could have used my deer ears

Lesley:  I feel like he was the Joaquin Phoenix of music
Alyssa: The what?  Am I supposed to know what that means?
Lesley: I don't know...you know, Joaquin Phoenix.
Alyssa: What?  I have no idea what you're saying.
Lesley: Joaquin Phoenix! I don't know how else to explain it...

Alyssa: I don't know what "walking phoenix" means.
 [long pause and puzzled look from Lesley]
Alyssa: ....ooo.  nevermind. JOAQUIN Phoenix.  I get it now. 

The Men in Our Lives, pt. 1

:p

She's such a good listener, pt. 4

Jenni: Omg you guys I had the worst nightmare last night.  I dreamt that Brandon cheated on me and I woke up sobbing.
Melanie: You smell really good.

How did that happen?

Melanie: Did you get the email I sent you?
Alyssa: ...no
Melanie: Oh, I think I accidentally sent it to myself

Not So Innocent

Emily: Mel, what kind of drink did you get?
Mel: A Shirley Temple
Emily: Really, a Shirley Temple?
Mel: Well it has vodka in it.

Stereotypes

Lauren: She got an internship at Fox News
Melanie: What? I didn't know lesbians liked Fox.

She's such a good listener, pt. 3

Melanie: Yeah, I just think it's so great how Hugh keeps running into people at church who talk to him about his faith and are so friendly.
Alyssa: So you see the huge hang nail on my toe there?

F.O.O.T.B.A.L.L.

Lesley: He looks like that guy from that Disney movie about football - Sunny!

Gemma: What movie?

Lesley: The one with Denzel Washington.

Gemma: Return from Witch Mountain!

Lesley: It's about football!

Gemma: Bad News Bears

Lesley: FOOT! BALL!

(Ricky is our cat, btw) pt 2

Emily: why would you say that ????!!
Melanie: because his leg looks like a drumstick!

(Ricky is our cat, btw)

Melanie: ... I wonder what Ricky would taste like.

She's such a good listener, pt. 2

Trump

Lesley:  okey doke

Alyssa:  ockey dockey

Lesley:  OCKEY DOCKEY

Grown Ups

Melanie:  i have a hair appt at 10

Alyssa:  oo hair! 

Melanie:  I KNOW

Melanie: i guns look fancy

Alyssa:  aww my lil girl

Alyssa: all grown up

Melanie:  all grows up

Alyssa:  i growed up

Alyssa: i's grownd up

Melanie:  is grownnnnnd up

Why we're friends

Alyssa: Do you want to go to The Counter for lunch?  It's a burger place.
Kate: Never heard of it, but I love BEEF.  I’m in!

Mad Libs

(Mel and Alyssa doing Mad Libs)

Mel: Noun

Alyssa: A tree

Mel: A Male in This Room

Alyssa: Ricky..duh, he's the only one

Mel: I thought you were going to say Jesus

Alyssa: Awwww now I feel bad!

5 seconds ago

Alyssa: There's a newcomer dinner this Sunday....I read it in the bulletin
Melanie: O yeah, that's right!
[10 seconds later]
Melanie: Wait, what?
Alyssa: There's a newcomer dinner this Sunday
Melanie: How'd you know about that??
Alyssa: ....I read it in the bulletin....didn't we just have this conversation 5 seconds ago?

Melanie's expletives

"Freakus maximus!"
"Shucksaroo!"
"Shootkabobs!"

Connection?

Alyssa:  is she asian?

Melanie:  no

Alyssa:  o 

Melanie:  she is just a stickler

Sister language.

Emily: Words words words.  
Melanie: Yesss...words.  
Emily: Words.  
Melanie: Words.  
Emily: Yes.

Self explanatory

"Action jinx!" --Lesley

She's such a good listener

Observations

"um yeah, he looks 200% gay. possibly french" --Melanie

Cultural Generalizations

Lesley: This isn't "mexican music," it's salsa.
Melanie: Well, whatever, I'm pretty sure I've heard it in Don Pablo's.

Reunion

"Why would I remember you, it's been six years....maybe you got fat, stupid!" --Gemma

Happy Halloween

Melanie: omg pre carved pumpkin contest at frontline
Alyssa: YES
Melanie: i want to carve your face

The 5 Love Languages

"I know giving is a love language, I just wish they would have come to my soccer games." --Melanie

Nostalgia

Alyssa: I want to see the original "True Grit" with John Wayne
Melanie: Who??
Alyssa: How do you not know who John Wayne is????
Melanie: Oooo John Wayne, I couldn't understand what you said.  Of course I know who John Wayne is!  He's an American culture....thing.